


Be patient with me, dying takes a lot out of you

by Multifandom_damnation



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Confusion, Exhaustion, Gen, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, I Was Drunk When I Wrote This, Questions, Temporary Character Death, and caleb makes it better, caduceus is confused, fjord makes it worse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 13:18:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18250652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multifandom_damnation/pseuds/Multifandom_damnation
Summary: The was many things that Caduceus didn’t know.He didn’t know why he felt so tired after Jester brought him back to life, because being dead was a new experience for his adult self and he hadn’t experienced it in many seasons. He didn’t know why the Krynn guards in the spikey black armour were shoving him to the ground and forcing him into cool, metal shackles when he wasn’t resisting in the slightest. And he didn’t understand why Caleb was giving up that strange object that reversed time to the Bright Queen instead of just being thrown into the prisons.So when they’ve been escorted into their finely decorated rooms with the beautiful silks and intricate weavings, Caduceus turned to Fjord with his mind muddled with confusion. “I don’t understand.”





	Be patient with me, dying takes a lot out of you

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote Fjord as a dick by accident but I hope I made up for it at the end. Clay's thoughts are a little scatter-brained, that's why they're all over the places sometimes so I hope that makes sense. I know that everything is shit but I tried my best.

The was many things that Caduceus didn’t know.

He didn’t know why he felt so tired after Jester brought him back to life, because being dead was a new experience for his adult self and he hadn’t experienced it in many seasons. He didn’t know why the Krynn guards in the spikey black armour were shoving him to the ground and forcing him into cool, metal shackles when he wasn’t resisting in the slightest. And he didn’t understand why Caleb was giving up that strange object that reversed time to the Bright Queen instead of just being thrown into the prisons.

So when they’ve been escorted into their finely decorated rooms with the beautiful silks and intricate weavings, Caduceus turned to Fjord with his mind muddled with confusion. “I don’t understand.” 

“What’s wrong Ducey?” Fjord asked as he unlaced his boots. He was sitting on the end of one of the beds and a small pile of dark red sand had already begun to pile under the boot he had already upended. “You look troubled.”

Caduceus had his arms wrapped around the staff- whether for comfort or stability or whatever it was, he didn’t know, but his mind was slow as if he was swimming through thick molasses. “Why did we give the Queen the dodecahedron?”

Fjord looked at him strangely. “Because she was going to throw us into prison and do some really terrible things to us?” He said it like it was supposed to be blinding obvious but Cad didn’t think it was.

“But…” Caduceus began. He sat heavily down on his own bed, the one that wasn’t really long enough and the blankets, while thicker than he was used to, were wrong in ways he couldn’t describe. They easily could have had their own rooms, one for each of them, but in the moment of fear and uncertainty, they had decided to go with their usual sleeping arrangements. Even Yasha, who usually had a room to herself, had decided to stay with Beau and Jester for the time being. “Didn’t we need to go to the prisons? Isn’t that where they’re holding Nott’s husband?”

The expression that crossed Fjord’s face was one of confusion then understanding and finally regret and he lowered his head to his hand in a way that told Caduceus that it wasn’t a possibility any of the Nein had previously entertained. “Yeah, you’re right, he is. That’s true. _Fuck_.”

“I guess I just… I don’t get why we got rid of it so quickly.” Caduceus continued, not noticing the distress on Fjord’s face as he struggled to remain awake. Dying and then immediately having to deal with a whole fuck-tonne of political issues in one day really took a lot out of you. “Caleb doesn’t even know what it does yet and it seemed really pretty and I know how much Jester wanted to keep it around, so I was just confused because that felt like it was really important.”

“I’m not sure what to tell you, Ducey,” Fjord said but he sounded exasperated like he was finished with the conversation but Caduceus couldn’t imagine why. “That time-changing thing that we’ve been carrying around seems to be their god- one that was taken from them by the people that occupy the place we come from. He made a tough call and it seemed like the right one.”

That didn’t make any sense to Caduceus, and he said as much.  “I don’t think it is. How are we going to get to him now? If Caleb hadn’t given up the dodecahedron, then we could have found him and staged a jailbreak and-”

“I don’t know, Caduceus, alright?” Fjord exploded angrily as he stood from the bed and against his better judgement, Caduceus flinched, because the last time a friend had exploded anywhere near him, he had died. “It could have been a horrible fucking idea and nobody even thought about getting Yeza out of prison, but we thought they were going to kill us, alright? They threw you to the fucking ground Caduceus and there was nothing you could do. Caleb did the only thing he could think of to save us from an uncertain fate so I just think we should be fucking grateful that he did and that we’re not rotting somewhere in a ditch right now.”

All the energy seemed to leak out of Fjord at once and the colour drained from the room as a stiff and silent Caduceus stood from the too-small bed and the somehow-wrong sheets and moved to the door. He paused with a hand on the doorknob, his staff held securely in his other hand to help him keep his balance. “I died yesterday, Fjord.” He said quietly and didn’t miss Fjord’s sharp intake of breath. “It’s not a very nice thing to have happen. I might have seen my Wildmother and she might have given me a sign, but that doesn’t mean that coming back is any easier. Things still hurt and nothing makes sense. I wouldn’t expect you to understand. but if you’re… losing your patience with me and my questions, then I suppose I’ll go and ask someone else.”

The door was closing behind him when he swiftly made his exit out of the room that was suddenly suffocating and could just about hear Fjord’s broken, heartfelt words through the clicking of the latch. “Caduceus, wait I’m sorry- _mother fuck.”_

He made his way down the halls, careful to avoid any of the calm guards juxtaposed by their violent and angry looking weapons and managed to navigate his way to the room Caleb and Nott were sharing. Nott was on her way towards the room that contained Jester, Beau and Yasha and the little goblin tilted her head up as she passed to smile up at him. Clay nodded back and they went their opposite ways. Knowing that Caleb’s room would now be empty, Caduceus knocked on the ornate wood with the silver filigree and waited for Caleb’s permission to enter. “ _Ja_?”

Slowly, Caduceus entered the dimly lit room and was met with the sight of a slightly- rumbled Caleb sitting against the headboard of a bed that he most defiantly fit in with his tiny purring cat in his lap and his long overcoat and book holsters resting gently on the chair beside him. “Oh, hello _mein freund._ To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Caduceus closed the door behind him and hobbled over to the bed and after waiting for an invitation from Caleb, he sat down on the bed after the wizard had moved his legs. “I just have some… questions that I would very much like to have answered. I tried to ask Fjord about them but he seemed a little impatient with my questions so I have come to you for help.”

“Of course,” Caleb said, cuddling Frumpkin up into his arms with minimal complaints from the cat. He was frowning now, and his brow was furred in such a way that it made Clay think that a storm was on its way. “Although, I can’t understand why Fjord would be so curt with you. That seems… very unlike him, even at the direst of circumstances. But by all means- ask away. I shall try and answer them to the best of my abilities.”

“It’s about the dodecahedron,” Caduceus began slowly, gauging how Caleb would react. Caleb urged him on with eager eyes. “You gave it over to the Bright Queen as soon as things began looking rocky, without a second thought.”

“I did, yes,” Caleb let out a breath. “I… panicked, really. I was afraid of what they were going to do to us, so I thought that if we were completely honest with them they would grant us some leniency. I did not expect them to have the reaction they did.”

“And did you consider that maybe being sent to the prisons would be a good thing, considering that’s where Yeza is being held?”

“At the time, I did not. I… know what happens to people who are traitors to an empire- whatever empire that may be- and I did not want that for all of you. If we were going to be punished, I wanted it to be because I was in possession of their god and me only.”

"But..." Caduceus was still very confused but things were slowly beginning to slot into place. "Didn't Beau's monk friend tell us that the Empire might be working with the Krynn for... something?"

Caleb seemed like he was going to reply but he paused with his mouth half-open. His eyes widened with terror for a moment before he smoothed it over with a tight-lipped smile. "That is a possibility, yes." That seemed like the only answer he wanted to give Cad for the time being,

There were many thoughts running around Caduceus’s head but not a single one was making its way through the thick fog in his mind to his mouth, so he instead ran his hand over the blankets that were no less weird in Caleb’s room than in his and concentrated on the feeling of the familiar wood of his staff under his nails as he scraped it down the side. It was a gift from his siblings, a collective effort to make sure the smallest of them was well protected and didn’t die within the first few moments of leaving the grove. A small beetle crawled out of its home and nudged at Caduceus’s finger, who smiled and petted it with the tip of a furred digit.

He almost didn’t notice Caleb looking at him oddly, head tilted to the side in such a way that his hair fell away from his face like the hanging vines that coated the highest branches of the trees back at the Blooming Grove. His face said he was frowning but there was a smile on his lips and Caduceus really wasn’t sure how that was possible and was too exhausted to re-create it. “Are you alright there, Mr Clay? You look exhausted, though I’m not sure what else to expect. You were dead 24 hours ago and we’ve been through a lot today.”

Blinking, Caduceus sat back in confusion. If Caleb could understand so easily, then why couldn’t Fjord? He waved a hand around his face weakly. “Yeah, things have been a little hard. And I am very tired. But I have so many questions and it’s just… hard to think. Nothing makes sense.”

The look of sympathy that Caleb shot at Caduceus was so strong that it shocked him and he grabbed onto his staff for more support in case he fell off the edge of the tiny bed. “I understand- that must be very difficult. If you have more questions, I would be happy to answer them.”

It took a moment for Caduceus to come up with another worth-while question now that he was sure Caleb would be happy to answer him, but there was something that was nagging at him ever since Fjord had mentioned it before. _They threw you to the fucking ground Caduceus and there was nothing you could do._ “I wasn’t resisting… none of us was resisting, but they still pushed me onto the floor and put Yasha in chains but none of us fought back.”

Caleb’s expression softened and he ran his hands through Frumpkin’s fur the same way Caduceus was holding onto his beetle. “Because people are always afraid of what they don’t understand and when people like that are scared, they do stupid things. It had nothing to do with what you did, but what they think you could have done.”

“Oh,” Caduceus nodded. “Alright.” He stood up and made his way towards the door, still moving as if in a daze. “Thank you for all your help.”

“Not a worry. If you have any more, come back and ask me.”

“I will, thank you. Goodnight.”

Caduceus made his way dimly back towards his room, somewhat reluctantly, but Fjord was already asleep when he entered the room and when he clambered into his own bed he realized that it was longer and that the blankets were different and there were probably other changes he couldn’t see in the dark and he knew right then that it was Fjord apology and Caduceus easily accepted it.


End file.
